Recent Findings Ruins Life of Local Magician

Recently some scientists have come to a decision to relieve themselves from a secret that has been haunting their lives for years. In 2001 a scientist, who wishes to remain unnamed, made a discovery that has discredited all plotted star systems made thus far and has turned millions of dollars of tax payers money and thousands of man hours worked into a pile of poo-poo.

That finding has been labeled "Negative Refraction". Here's a short piece from their confession describing their obviously embarrassing blunder.

"Starlight may be bent in odd directions when it passes close to a rotating black hole, the researchers say, unexpectedly shifting its source's apparent position in the sky. The cause is a recently discovered phenomenon called negative refraction, which physicists are still struggling to understand.

Negative refraction is new to astronomy, but has been causing a stir in materials science in recent years. When light crosses a boundary, it is bent in a characteristic way; this is why an oar dipped in water looks as though the submerged part is angled towards the surface.

But in 2001, US researchers showed that certain artificial materials bend light in the opposite direction. If water had this property, the submerged oar would appear to angle away from the surface."

The unnamed researcher then got a shot in the arm and two for flinching.

Here to educate us more about Negative Refraction and his personal struggle is guest speaker Stan Scaryhands. Stan says that he's known about Negative Refraction for years and has been using it as part of his "Scaryhand Stan's Spectacular Magic Show" as early as the last few months.

He says he first discovered Negative Refraction, whilst on tour with his now defunct rock group "Blazer", when he noticed something strange during the lazer and pyrotechnic part of the show. He remembers the incident and said he felt really strange, like it was a result of years of acid abuse. (*He then soon corrected himself remembering he's never taken acid before.)

"I noticed things just weren't right with the Flaming Betty's right near Sty. (Long-time friend, bassist). He explained, "While my man (Sty) was doing a killer job of rockin` out, I noticed the light from the Betty's seemed to react strangely with his hair-do. Instead of just illuminating him, the light would dance, as if marinated by his man-mane. And when he spun his hair in a circular fashion, the light would bend away from him by an unseen force.

This perplexed and inspired Stan enough to make him quite the band and focus on his theory head on.

Some years later after intense research of lights reaction to big hair, Stan was able to harness his findings into a marketable and successful magic show which has been supporting him and his family comfortably for the past few months. He thought he had it made until that fate full day when news broke about Negative Refraction.

"Of course I was upset. I based my career and art around my findings; then all of a sudden, Mr. Scientist goes and tells the world what's up, ruining the secrets of my show in the process.

What am I supposed to do about my family? No one's going to watch my Magic Show now that they know my hands aren't magic. Stupid science. I'm ruined unless I can find an excuse to separate the two. Ruined!"

The very same unnamed scientist reported after catching the "Scaryhand Stan's Spectacular Magic Show" that it would have been really cool not knowing Stan's Scaryhands weren't really magic.

"Now it's just sad to see how Stan continues to cling to such an obvious parlor trick.", said the scientist coolly. "Even after explaining it to my kids, they too have lost interest in Stan's Scaryhands and his shallow use of Negative Refraction."

Computers got VD? Look no further!

A while ago I had a nasty bout with a virus that would hijack my homepage and throw all sorts of erotic pop-up ads at me. Which, for the first day or so, wasn't really a problem, but after a month of the same boobies popping up, I put my fear of doing something about it behind me and searched for a solution. And searched and searched. I found this wonderfully handy step by step guide from the nice people at Bleeping computer that held my hand until my computer was clean and sparkly.

Apparently a lot of computers have contracted this virus so I figured posting a link to a handy fix-it guide might help someone out in the future.

If your computer's home page keeps being forced to about.com or something you don't want, you might have the VD HomeOldSP lurking around your system. If this is true then look no further than here for a solution.

Plus it provides links to free Spyware software and stuff that you should already have on your computer but if you don't you can do it now.

I don't know for sure but I'd guess that if they had a great solution for this problem, then I wouldn't doubt they'd have a great solution for many other virus problems.

MoCCA Presents: NOW THEN!

This is a really awesome idea MoCCA (Museum of Comic and Cartoon Art) has going on. They took a bunch of really great artists and had them submit a drawing from their childhood, then MoCCA constructed a slide show that allows you to take a look at what they were drawing as a child what kind of style they've ultimately developed as and adult.

The results are really interesting showing some people had talent from the get go and some had no talent what so ever in their earlier years. Which proves you don't have to be born with it to draw. (But I'm sure it helps...)

Check out some of my favorites below, then go on the tour for yourself.

David Sheldon

NOW

THEN

Randall Enos

NOW

THEN

Just look for the "Stroll Through" button above the picture of the zombie head to get started.

Tokyo Damage Report Updates Tokyo Underground Map with Stuff About Tokyo

If you look in the left margin under links, you won't see a link to Tokyo Damage Report. Why? I don't know. I'm lazy and probably should have put a link there but didn't. I did mention and link to it once but that's besides the point.

Anyway, it's a web journal of an American living in Tokyo and he talks about all sorts of punk rock shows and weird fetish things like videos with girls who walk in the mud with there socks on and other strange things in Japan.

The reason I bring the page up again is because he's updated his "Underground Tokyo Guidebook". Which I think any person living in Japan and into things a little crooked should check out.

Recently I've become a little burned out on Tokyo because I've been hitting the same spots everytime and had no inspiration to go explore and check out more so this is perfect. He has multiple areas cased out with directions to all the places you should see.

Wanna check out a store that only sells items that have been found on the trains? Or a vintage clothing store with vending machines selling small plastic models of different kinds of poop or cut up body parts (which I actually found on my own last summer. That was weird to see.)

Then check this shit out. Underground Tokyo Guidebook

He also wrote something up about Japan's obsessive compulsive constructing and relates it to Freudian theories and Godzilla. I think he hit the nail on the head and it's an interesting read to boot.

Constructing Japan

I'm planning a little trip around a friends wedding in March to check a few of these places out. I'll post some pictures if I find anything interesting.

Now that I think about it: Sleeping in class wasn't very funny

Remember in grade school when you found your friend asleep in the middle of class and you laughed your ass off at it? I mean you laughed so hard it was goddamn paralytic? I remember that and at the time it was honest laughter. Right there, my friend was sleeping, on his desk of all places, during class, while the teacher was talking about basic Canadian politics or how flowers are pollinated or something. Man that was funny.

Today I was reminded of that time while I, now, the man, was teaching as class. There was one of my students right there, right in front of me with a little spittle hanging out the side of his mouth dead asleep, and his little friends were shaking so hard and ringing their necks trying to hold back the laughter. They couldn't be bothered to get back to the matter at hand, which was to practice "I can play baseball." because there friend was sleeping....wait for it!..... in class!!!

AAAAAAA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!

Can you believe it?!?! I don't know how I made it through the class either without a fit of laughter now and a again. Oh wait... actually I do know how I did it. Cause it wasn't funny.

I remember making a promise to myself when I was young (most likely inspired by some kid on tv doing the same thing) and that was to always remain young at heart and never turn into one of those old, boring adults who just don't get it.

Well, I've grown up now and I do get it. Kids are stupid. They're stupid and inexperienced and don't know any better. Being grown up rocks. Do you know what I ate today? Cheese. And chocolate. That was awesome. Then do you know what I did after I ate that bowl of melted cheese dip? I played games. I played games from a big stack of the newest, coolest games. Then I went to my friends house and drank beer and played poker until very very early in the morning.

See? I couldn't do that if I were young. If I were young my day would go like this.

Geez, my mom made me eat all my broccoli today or else I couldn't go to Tommy's house and play guns. I'm totally running away now. She can forget me doing my math homework too cause I left it at school. See if she likes that. Aww, remember when Jeff fell asleep in Dale's class? Man, I almost peed my pants. I mean, he was sooo sleeping right there. hahahahahahaa! I never want to grow up. Adults are so stupid.

PSP Binge.

I know that this is totally old by now but it's still funny and I just wanted to link to it here for some people who may not have seen it.

"It" is a video some hoodlums in Japan put together of themselves smashing up a PSP. The back story is that it was broken when one of them bought it, so why not have some fun and break it some more before getting a replacement.

This is their story.

Tobacco 1996-2004

October first of two thousand and four, I, Mr. fatwreck lost one of the greatest things I have ever known. I lost the stumbling smiles it gave me, the feeling of a warm intoxicating hug blanketed around me when we would chat after big meals and I lost one of the best drinking partners my eyes have ever known. Yes, my old friend tobacco is gone forever.

People said, "Hey....dude, you know that's not good for you, right?" And I would reply back, "If this is bad, I donwanna know what good feels like." Then they'd say, "Hey.....dude.....you, you know, you're gonna get cancer some day." and I'd say, "Hey....you know you're gonna get a fat lip if you don't shut your trap?"

And do you know why I could pull off such attitude? Because of the numbing effects of sweet darling nicotine and because smoking makes you look tough. Really, really tough.

And some people would say, "Hey....you know if you quit now, the air will smell sweeter, you food will taste better, and you will feel more fit than you ever have in a long time. You'll also gain the power of flight!"

"Flight?", I'd say, "That sounds marvelous! I'd surely give up one of my very most favorite acts to gain the power of the birds!" So they told me to learn how to fly, I'd have to give up smoking and follow them to the hospital to hollow out my bones, to mimic the skeletal structure of a bird.

"Strange." I thought, "I'm kind of partial to my bone marrow you know." Prepared for that type of response, they comforted me and reassured me that I wouldn't miss a thing. Then they reminded me just how awesome it would be to fly to the grocery store and commit cheeky highjinx. And with that, they had me on a string.

After the painful operation, the two who offered me flight filled days were gone with only a bill and weak immune system left to remind me there was ever a dream in the first place. I discovered later when passing up a bus ride in favor of flight, that they never had the power to grant me wings and they just wanted my marrow. And on top of that, everytime I have a cigarette I past out because my blood has changed so much from not having anything left in my bones. Just my luck.

It's true I smell better without the smoke in my clothes, but now I actually know how my body naturally smells which will take some getting used to. And food tastes exactly the same as it did before but without the glorious cigarette book end. And although I still can't fly, I'm the only 6 foot 1 horse jockey on the tour cause I'm as light as a feather. So that's kinda cool. But not as cool as one looks with a cigarette.

I'm back like a vertebrae

I'm sure the one person who sees this knows where I've been for the past week, but to update anyone else who accidently stumbles across this blog, you'll be happy to know that I'm still alive, and was actually progressing another notch in life by getting married.

Well, actually my one year anniversary is in about two weeks because we were "paper married" last February and only now did we actually get to do the ceremony. Funny how that worked. Another funny thing I thought about was all the hours and hours we poured into this thing and it really only lasted about 20 minutes. The wedding part I mean. We walked to the beach, did a rehearsal, got married and signed some fake wedding papers (contracts?), then we ate. I guess the fact that everything went so smoothly shows how much planning went into it.

Honeymoon was great. Saw the family, went shopping, fell asleep in the sun, snorkeled for the first time (swam in the ocean for the first time!). I got to read English newspapers everyday and eat Mexican food and American food which rocked. I only managed to finish two meals the entire trip though. The portions in America a huge and there's only so much food you can fit into a tall glass of water.

Then after an exhausting last few days, we packed up and flew back to Japan and bused home from the airport and I learned that I must have got food poisoning from the airplane food because I spent the next day shitting water everytime I tried to teach a class. (I lost count at 12) Yes, I had to go to work (no sick days for this teacher!) and felt like garbage and would have to leave my classes to relieve myself. Then I got home and slept for 14 hours and went back to work the next day. Feeling better now, thank you. Still don't have my appetite back and I don't think I'll be able to ever eat soba again (I really should have chosen the sandwich. What was I thinking!)

This last weekend I planned to prep a wedding picture to accompany this entry but I spent the entire time drinking and playing Resident Evil 4. Oops. I still plan to though so don't give up hope.

I just realized that I'll only be in Japan for less than two months now. That's really strange. I've been here so long it seems that it's what I call home, so getting back to my real home and life style will take some adjusting. I'll be pretty bummed to leave here even though I complain about everything a lot of the time. But, I think of that as tough love.

Cleared: Donkey Kong: Jungle Beat

On December 16th Nintendo's bongo drums got a new purpose and that purpose was to make Donkey Kong jump, slap and swing around 20 levels collecting bananas and building combos, trying for the coveted high score based on time and bananas collected.

Called one of the most addictive and biggest surprises at this years E3, I went out on a limb and picked up Jungle Beat and the bongos ($5 extra) and went to town. The gimmick going on in this game is that you don't use a controller to move your monkey but a set of plastic (sturdy) bongos. Hit left to move left and hit right to move right. Bongo faster to run and slap both to jump. Clapping is picked up by the microphone and makes you reach out to swing and the "shock wave" that results from your clap pulls in near by bananas and has other effects.

Like I said, you get some 20 levels each split up into 3 parts. The first being strictly platforming, the next being some race by bird, by water or another platformer and the last being a boss fight. Some boss fights are set up with a behind the back perspective boxing type dealy relying on timing and pattern memorization to win and others require you to jump around throwing bombs or just attacking with your gorilla fists.

Each section takes from 1 minute to 3 minutes to complete giving you only about 5 minutes of play per level. In my opinion, tacking another 20 (more challenging) levels on the current 20 would have made this game a must have, but since there's not that much content, a rental or two would be enough for this 5-6 hour game.


Since content is limited, the focus shifts to replayability which is here in spades. Scoring 300, 500, 800 and 1200 banana's will get you bronze, silver, gold and platinum metals. In order to score a platinum metal you have to learn to link your movements. Each new move will score you a mutiplier multiplying the bananas you pick up during the combo and the combo will end once you touch the ground. So the name of the game is constant movement and momentum. Once you got that down, you start looking on ways to pad your combo by doing extra movements in between vine swings and spiking enemies. That is where you'll find the real challenge; tucked away for those who want to exploit it.

The presentation is excellent and the character models boast some of the best fur mapping I've ever seen in a game. Environments are varied to your standard snow level, water level, jungle level, lava level, ect. And the real stand out feature is the fresh camera angles the designers imposed. A lot of close ups of enemies and Donkey Kongs expressions and movements that have frankly made him a much more appealing character than in the past. The boss character models are very creative, making you smirk with every encounter. One thing to note is you won't find the Donkey Kong family (Diddy, Trixy, Grandpa Kong, Candy Kong, and that surfing Kong guy; Funky Kong?) which I think was a good move. But you will find recurring music, remixed from previous titles.



The game had a lot of great ideas, tons of style, great combo system and of course the bongos! But where I felt it came up short was in the actual content. Seeing the "The End" screen after only about 6 hours of game play left me feeling I just beat Jungle Beat: Part A. Where's the rest of it?

pros:

The addition of the bongos as the main source of play was genius! (and only an extra $5!) It gave a fresh and satisfying feeling to the game.

Combo system can get very deep for those who look for it, bumping up the replayability considerably.

Character models, colour palette and environments look excellent.

Really dug the camera angles and presentation.


Cons:

With each of the 20 levels lasting only about 5 minutes, there's not much game here.

Seems to be a one trick pony with only 4 variations of game play. (floating/racing, riding, platforming, boss fighting) If the game was extended it would feel like it was repeating itself more than it all ready did.

The bongos were great but they didn't respond as nicely as I'd have liked when the game called for some fancy left, right, jump, throw work.

(Originally written December 22nd, 2004 but recently pulled out of the archives and finished up.)