Recent Findings Ruins Life of Local Magician

Recently some scientists have come to a decision to relieve themselves from a secret that has been haunting their lives for years. In 2001 a scientist, who wishes to remain unnamed, made a discovery that has discredited all plotted star systems made thus far and has turned millions of dollars of tax payers money and thousands of man hours worked into a pile of poo-poo.

That finding has been labeled "Negative Refraction". Here's a short piece from their confession describing their obviously embarrassing blunder.

"Starlight may be bent in odd directions when it passes close to a rotating black hole, the researchers say, unexpectedly shifting its source's apparent position in the sky. The cause is a recently discovered phenomenon called negative refraction, which physicists are still struggling to understand.

Negative refraction is new to astronomy, but has been causing a stir in materials science in recent years. When light crosses a boundary, it is bent in a characteristic way; this is why an oar dipped in water looks as though the submerged part is angled towards the surface.

But in 2001, US researchers showed that certain artificial materials bend light in the opposite direction. If water had this property, the submerged oar would appear to angle away from the surface."

The unnamed researcher then got a shot in the arm and two for flinching.

Here to educate us more about Negative Refraction and his personal struggle is guest speaker Stan Scaryhands. Stan says that he's known about Negative Refraction for years and has been using it as part of his "Scaryhand Stan's Spectacular Magic Show" as early as the last few months.

He says he first discovered Negative Refraction, whilst on tour with his now defunct rock group "Blazer", when he noticed something strange during the lazer and pyrotechnic part of the show. He remembers the incident and said he felt really strange, like it was a result of years of acid abuse. (*He then soon corrected himself remembering he's never taken acid before.)

"I noticed things just weren't right with the Flaming Betty's right near Sty. (Long-time friend, bassist). He explained, "While my man (Sty) was doing a killer job of rockin` out, I noticed the light from the Betty's seemed to react strangely with his hair-do. Instead of just illuminating him, the light would dance, as if marinated by his man-mane. And when he spun his hair in a circular fashion, the light would bend away from him by an unseen force.

This perplexed and inspired Stan enough to make him quite the band and focus on his theory head on.

Some years later after intense research of lights reaction to big hair, Stan was able to harness his findings into a marketable and successful magic show which has been supporting him and his family comfortably for the past few months. He thought he had it made until that fate full day when news broke about Negative Refraction.

"Of course I was upset. I based my career and art around my findings; then all of a sudden, Mr. Scientist goes and tells the world what's up, ruining the secrets of my show in the process.

What am I supposed to do about my family? No one's going to watch my Magic Show now that they know my hands aren't magic. Stupid science. I'm ruined unless I can find an excuse to separate the two. Ruined!"

The very same unnamed scientist reported after catching the "Scaryhand Stan's Spectacular Magic Show" that it would have been really cool not knowing Stan's Scaryhands weren't really magic.

"Now it's just sad to see how Stan continues to cling to such an obvious parlor trick.", said the scientist coolly. "Even after explaining it to my kids, they too have lost interest in Stan's Scaryhands and his shallow use of Negative Refraction."