Holy shit I love the internet.

Meet The Flying Spaghetti Monster



I'd heard about the Flying Spaghetti Monster before but I never realized the following he's created until just the other night. It was the link to a Wikipedia entry that got me hip to the whole thing.

By the looks of things, this is some parody religion called Flying Spaghetti Monsterism (FSM) with its followers calling themselves "Pastafarians" "preaching the word of their "noodly master" as the one true religion." and have prayers ending with the word Ramen rather than Amen.

If you are in the market for a rad religion to convert to you can look forward to many benefits in FSM.

Like the noodles they worship, Flying Spaghetti Monsterists have flimsy moral standards.

Every Friday is a religious holiday.

Promise of a stripper factory and a beer volcano in Heaven.

Now, what does all this silly non-sense mean? Well, you see the Flying Spaghetti Monster was created as a result of the Kansas board of educations decision to allow Creationism/Intelligent Design* equal time as Evolution in the classroom science lessons. It says that if teachers were to teach the theory of evolution, then in turn, it should teach other theories, such as how Christians believe how the universe came to be. A God created it all including evidence linked to evolution and it was all in His grand design for things to be the way they've become.

What FSM is saying is that if we were to allow Intelligent Design in the classroom then how many theories/what theories should be allowed/acknowledged. The whole reasoning behind their decision is to teach as much as they can about how different people believe differently about how the world came to be and let the students ultimately decide for themselves.

His noodly master has purpose.

Read The Flying Spaghetti Monster's entire history here.

*The theory of intelligent design says life on earth is too complex to have developed through evolution, implying that a higher power must have had a hand in creation. Nearly all scientists dismiss it as a scientific theory, and critics say it's nothing more than religion masquerading as science.

Strawberry Jam? Yes, please!

Seems J-pop idol, Ai Otsuka, is getting a little freaky in her newly released b side single that's gaining all sorts of notoriety for it's racy lyrics.

"Once in my mouth, I am addicted to the taste that spreads. Ever since, I acquired the taste of it, I can't help but continue eating it. I am about to shed my tears, but I want to put it in my mouth. I want to keep putting it in my mouth. You keep moving, ahhhh."


Says a track which, coincidently doesn't have it's lyrics printed on the album sleeve The track name is "Tsukune 70 yen" (70yen meatloaf) for those who want to hear it for themselves.

I don't know what all the commotion is over this. I've been saying this kind of stuff since I was about 2 and you don't see people up in arms around me. I feel a hit single coming on...see you on the charts Ai Otsuka, if that's your real name. And wash your face.

Link

Japan has small things and very big things!

I saw a lot of things in Japan. Some of them were very small, like this small truck. I don't know what it was other than a small truck.



Other things are very big. Such as this traffic light. This intersection is famous for just how many accidents have occured here. Naturally the biggest light in the country being installed will solve the problem because that's exactly what has happened! Look at it in proporiton to our bodies! HUGE!

Ok, I'm back in a semi regular basis

Yes, after a long nice summer vacation of demolishion work with trogs and drinking and looking for residence and visiting friends I'm back posting some stuff on a semi regular basis. Maybe once a week. Ya, that sounds good and do-able. So expect one post on a weekly basis.

I've got a wedding supper on the burner for October and school at the end of the month with my lovely wife coming into the country at about the same time, so lots to look forward to.

Till next week!

Long time no see.

Ok, I know I've only updated once since the end of April, but there's a good reason for this you see.

Number 1. Working a summer job. Doing demolition work outside for 10 hours a day leaving me tired and sleepy at the end of the day not wanting to write anything on here.

Number 2. I moved back to Canada. Yes, I don't find doing nothing exciting enough to post about. When I decide to do something, I'll post. (After summer job)

Number 3. I'm very very lazy.

Number 4. I'm not an English teacher in Japan anymore. That job provided all sorts of time to sit on the computer and look busy while I actually just wrote things for this to past the time. Now I don't do that, so once my life gets another routine providing me with some time to waste a few times a week, I'll know what to do.

So like I said, once things get some predictability going you can expect this place to be dusted off again and open for all sorts of funny pieces only a few people may care about.

I'm sitting on a whole bunch of junk just waiting to be updated and I've got a lot of (interesting) pictures and stories left over from Japan waiting to be posted and talked about so just be patient.

Oh and in other news, I was accepted to the program I applied to at SAIT. You can read about it here.

(and a special thanks to Glen who recommended this course to me. I probably wouldn't have known about it otherwise.)

I especially like the part when they said,

STUDENT SUCCESS

Students with higher grades usually experience more success in SAIT
programs.

Good to know.

Everybody have a great summer and I'll be back in about a months time.

Killer 7 Hands-on

Gamecube Advanced has some very revealing hands on gameplay on the, till now, very mysterious Capcom game Killer 7. Hurrah!


Check it out!

Electroplankton Video

If any one is interested in music and remotely interested in videogames or the Nintendo DS, take a look at this 15 minute video and see for yourself why the DS hardware is so exciting simply because of its untapped potential. This isn't a game in the traditional sense. It's just a tool to make music and to mess around with sounds. No high scores or battling. Just sitting around making music. I needs me some Electroplankton!

Electroplankton video.

Thanks to 4 color rebellion for providing such a great video!

Google maps

Oh Google, is there anything you can do? Go to Google Maps and type in a city, bang! satellite picture of the city. Then take your pointer and grab that sucker and scroll all over the place without the screen having to reload. Looking for a location in that city? Search it up and boom! the results to your search all labeled nicely there for you.

Zoom in, zoom out, see an aerial shot of where you live or zoom in to look for fat kids. Wanna know the nearest pizza joint from your house? Do a local search on anything and have the results labeled all convenient like for you to pick and choose from. You'll even be given the option to get directions by typing in your current location. Handy!

Do with it what you like, but to see what Google Maps can do when it's really bogeying, might I suggest Calgary as a city to see the full potential of this software. The larger cities have much more detail in there imagery but even the town where I'm from with all its 500 people is easy to find with a nice aerial shot. Very slick!

(North America only)
Let's all dance with Google Maps!

Mario covers bare cans and people actually don't mind at all!

So many exposed cans in the summer sun can be dangerous and Pepsi cola knows this. Which is why every summer they release a series of 30 can toppers to stick on your big ol cans. And that's what you'd do...if you're a sucker.

But, if you had any common sense you'd know not to waste the attractiveness of these little guys by sticking them on your bottles, but to celebrate their collectibility by displaying your complete collection on the mantle piece in hopes it distracts your visitors from actually noticing the rotten mess you teeth are sure to become after drinking 50+ bottles of Pepsi in a short few weeks.

This year Pepsi has decided to celebrate Mario's roots by releasing a set of cap toppers donning Mario, his wild and crazy brother Luigi and other memorable characters in their original 8-bit form.



Lovely, aren't they? You may also find it interesting to know that they smell really delicious! New tire smell delicious, not fresh bread delicious.

Admitably, there's not much point to these little guys. Other than to be what Arthur Fonzerelli is to a broken juke box or Charlie Manson is to crazy; and that is to be absolutely necessary. I'm beginning to view these as some sort of passage into manhood and do not recognize anyone without a complete set as someone who has reached their full potential as a human. Sorry, but that what happens to your mind when you possess tangible cool. You begin to de-evolve those you love into categories not quite as cool as the one you inhabit.

Amputrees

It's no secret to people that have been to Japan to know that this country likes things straight, flat, smooth, preferably concrete (but any artificial material is ok) and definitely under no circumstances shall something be unpredictable. (The schools even dedicate a day to rehearse a sports day for Pete's sake, but that's another story.)

Sometimes the result is appealing and some may even describe it as modern, but most of the time this modernization is at a cost to nature and controlling it in unnatural ways. Which can be seen in the way all the mountains running parallel to roads have a concrete shell covering their natural shape and the way rivers have all been made into straight concrete shutes destroying any beauty they carried before.
There can be reasons and excuses given to these modifications like the new "rivers" can handle more water and are safer for the people living around them during heavy rain periods. Or the mountains with the concrete slathered up and down the sides prevent any rocks breaking off and falling onto the roads below during earthquakes which is all well and good.

But there's still one thing that happens yearly that I've never been able to figure out, and that's the annual hacking the limbs off the trees. Apparently every year before the leaves can turn brown and fall to the ground, the man gets the trees first by cutting off the leafy branches before the horrible brown mass of leaves can litter the ground. The end result of this is an ugly bare pole with little foot long stumps sticking out.

This can be seen all over the country. The trees are not cut because they pose a threat to power lines (which there are a tangled mess of) or a trim to promote healthier growth and a better tree, but just so they can get the leaves off the streets before they get a chance to fall off and become "litter".

There are beautiful parts of the country, but that's just the thing. There are only parts. The places that have been proven as naturally beautiful are preserved and photographed for the tour books and given a price of admission and the normal parts are cut up, covered up, and barracaded into controllable environments. With so much potential being mistreated, it really is a shame.

"Come one, come all and witness Mother Nature's disfigured seedlings as you'd never believe possible! Stay close to your parents boys and girls, wouldn't want to lose any of your little tootsies now would we?! Step right up!"

Behold Amputrees!

Cleared: Resident Evil 4

Coming in at 20 hours, 2 discs and a whole lot of "not zombies" is 2005's biggest contender for game of the year.

I can't write a lot about Resident Evil 4 that hasn't been said already so I'll just reinforce that this is one of the best games out there today.

Previous entries in the series have been of the campy b-movie sense, were game-play is a bit slower and paced a little more cinematicly with main obstacles being strange puzzle designs that didn't make a lot of sense to obtain keys to further your progress. After Resident Evil 3: Nemisis the series started to loose steam with its sub-plot games like Code: Veronica and Outbreak to the point where a release wasn't all that much to get excited about.

Capcom knew this and as a result set off to turn the series on its head and not release another RE game until they had a product that was fresh, beautiful and very exciting to play. Their dedication has been noted by their continuous scrapping of potential products. It wasn't until the third time trying to make the newest Resident Evil game that they knew they had something with a whole lot of potential.

The newest game is set 6 years after Nemesis with our old friend Leon now working for the U.S. secret service on an assignment to check out the disappearance of the presidents daughter. He's brought all the way to Spain and discovers a cult with its followers under the influence of some greater power that causes them to disregard any personal well-being, as long as they head strong their orders; the orders in our newest adventure is to stop Leon at all costs, which in return leads to all sorts of intense and bloody situations.

Capcom has made it clear time and time again that you are not fighting zombies in this game. And it's true that your not fighting the traditional type because these new enemies (oh the variety and volume!) have some of the smartest AI I've ever seen. Draw a bead from your gun on their head and they dodge the shot. Stand in place for too long and they instinctively swarm you.

Qualms from past games have thankfully been addressed such as the camera and controller issues synonymous with the series. Now you'll find the camera positioned behind the protagonist, drawing in closer when you take aim also dropping peripheral vision by about 15%. And you can also forget about conserving ammo! For the most part anyway. If and when you're low, cap a mother in the knee to bring them down and try out the new melee moves accessible with a quick and intuitive press of the "A" button. You won't find any deep fighting mechanics but drawing from the newly implemented "hot spot" situations, the "A" button will account for a variety of moves from jumping out windows, pushing down ladders or round housing a not zombie who gets in a little too close.

The addition to all this new gravy is the merchant and money system which deepens the game very effectively. Do you upgrade to a stronger weapon (which there are plenty), or upgrade the cashe you have with stronger attributes such as faster loading, larger magazine or more fire power? Another question is, do you have enough room to hold everything you want? Some quick resource management and shuffling items around your item box will answer that.

But you better save some space for a whole lot of fire power because you're going to need it for the bosses Capcom has lined up for you. The fact is, Resident Evil 4 has some of the coolest, most satisfying boss fights ever created. You're put up against some absolutely huge, amazingly designed creatures that lurch or stomp around with such a sense of heaviness that'll be sure to give you goose bumps.

The amount of variety, fun gun play, locals, situations, new shop/upgrading features, controller set up and pacing of events have easily turned this into an instant classic.

Resident Evil 4 comes with the highest recommendation.

Pros:

Very satisfying play that doesn't tire.

New weapon leveling a welcome addition.

Sheer variety and authenticity of locals to creep through.

Unlockables for much replayability.

Has that rare power to make you play for a minute after the last save point to just see what's ahead before you turn the game off but holds you for another hour.

Cons:

Movement much improved but still not as nimble as I was hoping.

Has lost its ability to really freak you out.

The story could've used a lot more shaking up. Serves as more of a catalyst than something to keep you guessing.

Nintendo so awesome even the supernatural are getting in on the fun. Creepy!

On March 9th a user by the name of cascron posted a most peculiar item on Ebay. No, it wasn't the air guitar or a grilled cheese sandwich that had Jesus' image deliciously grilled into it... It wasn't even the ghost in the jar...... no this time we are looking at an original Nintendo Entertainment System that seems to have a chatty resident still residing inside.

Come see the Nintendo from beyond the grave!

According to his personal accounts, he's convinced that after buying this system from a pawn shop and taking it home and starting it up, creepy things began to happen. The cat wouldn't come within 5 feet of it and began having very restless nights, chills would run up and down his spine during play, the machine would pause at intense moments of gameplay. But the most startling point of this system is that once powered on, a voice would appear faintly behind the music mumbling or laughing during gameplay.

He writes that even numerous friends he has shown this ghastly game system have experienced the very same thing he describes and even his fiance won't let him turn it on with her in the house, so he's decided to look for a better home for it by selling it on ebay.

Some users have noticed if you put some filters on a photograph provided, you can make out a face.

Read on about his story and discover the background history of this Necro-Nintendo and other startling facts!

Violence Killer!

Last November/December Yumiko had her wisdom teeth taken out and her face blew up into all sorts of funny shapes and colors and she couldn't eat right or run. It was a little sad and a little funny because it looked like she was storing up some nuts for the winter in her cheeks.

Just the other day when I was sorting through the pictures on the computer I came across Yumiko's "wisdom teeth" pictures and thought they would be the perfect garnish to how I feel about Japanese sandwiches.

And a 1, 2, 3.


This is a warning to all the restaurants out there who won't hold the mustard! Why can't you make my damn sandwich minus the mustard! You tell me it doesn't follow the menu and the chef can't make exception's! You tell me "Just scrape it off before eating" but the foul taste is still there! Exception this you son of a bitch!

WHAM!

And then when I try to dodge the chef and buy a premade sandwich I can't find a single one without eggs or wasabi in them stinkin' the place up!

What happened? Did General Perry roll up to Japan on his ship the first time asking to come in and after getting rejected had his voodoo head hunter place a terrible sandwich curse on this island?

"What, you won't let me in? We'll see about that...and in the meantime lets see to it you'll never learn how to make sandwiches. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Something must have happened because nobody can seem to make a sandwich without eggs or wasabi being as important as the bread. You can put whatever else you want on top of it, but that bastard is still going to taste like eggs and wasabi. And its been going on like this for years. No wonder the sandwich is so unpopular. It tastes like shit and everyone agrees and nothings done about it.

(Yes, I speak for everyone)

Even the "Subway" sandwich here tastes like garbage compared to the real deal. I bet the Earl of Sandwich is in his grave spinning like a convenience store hotdog over this.

Now you're thinking, "Make your own sandwich you bum!", right? Do you know how many hoops you have to jump through to make a good sandwich here? It's a whole lot and still you've got the taste made from substitutions of substitutions of the real thing; plus you'll be dead broke from the effort.

Take THIS!

BAM!

SANDWICHES!!!

These aren't the most flattering pictures of Yumiko so let's not say anything to her about this post, shall we?

I spy, with my little eye, something...... that looks like....

Subject #1: 7-11

Here we see our subject for today. A recently built 7-11. A Mecca of convenience, efficiency and marked up goods.

But I sensed something just wasn't right and moved in for a closer look.

Ah ha! I knew it. Something was definitely fishy with the wall.



The bricks seem to be a little flatter than usual. Hmmm. It's almost as if I weren't looking at bricks at all, but in fact a picture of some bricks. Almost...



Ah, yes! The smoking gun to our little problem. As you can see, the corner is a flat edge. If it were a brick corner we were observing we would most certainly see more grooves and such.

That does it! I hereby sentence this wall to be a FAKE! Yes, it is guilty of being a photograph and posing as a brick wall. May GOD have mercy on your synthetic fibers! Now sell me some juice!

(Hey, look! My car!)

Must...join..North.. Korean... Friendship....Association...

This link is completely awesome, not only because the music in it takes a nice swing from tired to rockin', but because it's a slide show from North Korea's Friendship Association encouraging foreign travelers to come check out the land that Kim built! (BTW, Happy Birthday Kim!) Yes, you can now go to North Korea and rub elbow with the locals and experience life as they are told to do. Seems North Korea is partial to electric guitars and songs with Kim's name in it. GREAT!

Get your shake on and pay your respects to Dear Leader.

Let's North Korea Travel!!!"

Can't stop....watching....

Thanks to Boing Boing for hosting and being so spiffy and to the guy who brought our attention to the site.

I'm moving but I'm not moving.

My apologies for not updating for the past week and a half or so. Haven't really been busy, just doing my normal thing but very, very slowly. Went snowboarding yesterday and was a jumping/box sliding master (naturally) but am now patiently waiting for my sun burned face to heal and my old aching muscles to return to their usual flabby soft state.

I've got about 7 half finished entries so expect a bunch of old (but interesting!!!) updates over the next 2-3 weeks.

And the countdown to my grande return to the motherland begins as my trip to Japan is finally showing a sign of an end. It's been 32 months since I left for my 6 week internship in Tokyo and next month is the month that has been in my sites for a while now. It's a little hard to imagine this now since Japan has been my home for so long, but some change will be nice if not a little bitter sweet. But, there's still a lot to do before I go anywhere.

Recent Findings Ruins Life of Local Magician

Recently some scientists have come to a decision to relieve themselves from a secret that has been haunting their lives for years. In 2001 a scientist, who wishes to remain unnamed, made a discovery that has discredited all plotted star systems made thus far and has turned millions of dollars of tax payers money and thousands of man hours worked into a pile of poo-poo.

That finding has been labeled "Negative Refraction". Here's a short piece from their confession describing their obviously embarrassing blunder.

"Starlight may be bent in odd directions when it passes close to a rotating black hole, the researchers say, unexpectedly shifting its source's apparent position in the sky. The cause is a recently discovered phenomenon called negative refraction, which physicists are still struggling to understand.

Negative refraction is new to astronomy, but has been causing a stir in materials science in recent years. When light crosses a boundary, it is bent in a characteristic way; this is why an oar dipped in water looks as though the submerged part is angled towards the surface.

But in 2001, US researchers showed that certain artificial materials bend light in the opposite direction. If water had this property, the submerged oar would appear to angle away from the surface."

The unnamed researcher then got a shot in the arm and two for flinching.

Here to educate us more about Negative Refraction and his personal struggle is guest speaker Stan Scaryhands. Stan says that he's known about Negative Refraction for years and has been using it as part of his "Scaryhand Stan's Spectacular Magic Show" as early as the last few months.

He says he first discovered Negative Refraction, whilst on tour with his now defunct rock group "Blazer", when he noticed something strange during the lazer and pyrotechnic part of the show. He remembers the incident and said he felt really strange, like it was a result of years of acid abuse. (*He then soon corrected himself remembering he's never taken acid before.)

"I noticed things just weren't right with the Flaming Betty's right near Sty. (Long-time friend, bassist). He explained, "While my man (Sty) was doing a killer job of rockin` out, I noticed the light from the Betty's seemed to react strangely with his hair-do. Instead of just illuminating him, the light would dance, as if marinated by his man-mane. And when he spun his hair in a circular fashion, the light would bend away from him by an unseen force.

This perplexed and inspired Stan enough to make him quite the band and focus on his theory head on.

Some years later after intense research of lights reaction to big hair, Stan was able to harness his findings into a marketable and successful magic show which has been supporting him and his family comfortably for the past few months. He thought he had it made until that fate full day when news broke about Negative Refraction.

"Of course I was upset. I based my career and art around my findings; then all of a sudden, Mr. Scientist goes and tells the world what's up, ruining the secrets of my show in the process.

What am I supposed to do about my family? No one's going to watch my Magic Show now that they know my hands aren't magic. Stupid science. I'm ruined unless I can find an excuse to separate the two. Ruined!"

The very same unnamed scientist reported after catching the "Scaryhand Stan's Spectacular Magic Show" that it would have been really cool not knowing Stan's Scaryhands weren't really magic.

"Now it's just sad to see how Stan continues to cling to such an obvious parlor trick.", said the scientist coolly. "Even after explaining it to my kids, they too have lost interest in Stan's Scaryhands and his shallow use of Negative Refraction."

Computers got VD? Look no further!

A while ago I had a nasty bout with a virus that would hijack my homepage and throw all sorts of erotic pop-up ads at me. Which, for the first day or so, wasn't really a problem, but after a month of the same boobies popping up, I put my fear of doing something about it behind me and searched for a solution. And searched and searched. I found this wonderfully handy step by step guide from the nice people at Bleeping computer that held my hand until my computer was clean and sparkly.

Apparently a lot of computers have contracted this virus so I figured posting a link to a handy fix-it guide might help someone out in the future.

If your computer's home page keeps being forced to about.com or something you don't want, you might have the VD HomeOldSP lurking around your system. If this is true then look no further than here for a solution.

Plus it provides links to free Spyware software and stuff that you should already have on your computer but if you don't you can do it now.

I don't know for sure but I'd guess that if they had a great solution for this problem, then I wouldn't doubt they'd have a great solution for many other virus problems.

MoCCA Presents: NOW THEN!

This is a really awesome idea MoCCA (Museum of Comic and Cartoon Art) has going on. They took a bunch of really great artists and had them submit a drawing from their childhood, then MoCCA constructed a slide show that allows you to take a look at what they were drawing as a child what kind of style they've ultimately developed as and adult.

The results are really interesting showing some people had talent from the get go and some had no talent what so ever in their earlier years. Which proves you don't have to be born with it to draw. (But I'm sure it helps...)

Check out some of my favorites below, then go on the tour for yourself.

David Sheldon

NOW

THEN

Randall Enos

NOW

THEN

Just look for the "Stroll Through" button above the picture of the zombie head to get started.

Tokyo Damage Report Updates Tokyo Underground Map with Stuff About Tokyo

If you look in the left margin under links, you won't see a link to Tokyo Damage Report. Why? I don't know. I'm lazy and probably should have put a link there but didn't. I did mention and link to it once but that's besides the point.

Anyway, it's a web journal of an American living in Tokyo and he talks about all sorts of punk rock shows and weird fetish things like videos with girls who walk in the mud with there socks on and other strange things in Japan.

The reason I bring the page up again is because he's updated his "Underground Tokyo Guidebook". Which I think any person living in Japan and into things a little crooked should check out.

Recently I've become a little burned out on Tokyo because I've been hitting the same spots everytime and had no inspiration to go explore and check out more so this is perfect. He has multiple areas cased out with directions to all the places you should see.

Wanna check out a store that only sells items that have been found on the trains? Or a vintage clothing store with vending machines selling small plastic models of different kinds of poop or cut up body parts (which I actually found on my own last summer. That was weird to see.)

Then check this shit out. Underground Tokyo Guidebook

He also wrote something up about Japan's obsessive compulsive constructing and relates it to Freudian theories and Godzilla. I think he hit the nail on the head and it's an interesting read to boot.

Constructing Japan

I'm planning a little trip around a friends wedding in March to check a few of these places out. I'll post some pictures if I find anything interesting.

Now that I think about it: Sleeping in class wasn't very funny

Remember in grade school when you found your friend asleep in the middle of class and you laughed your ass off at it? I mean you laughed so hard it was goddamn paralytic? I remember that and at the time it was honest laughter. Right there, my friend was sleeping, on his desk of all places, during class, while the teacher was talking about basic Canadian politics or how flowers are pollinated or something. Man that was funny.

Today I was reminded of that time while I, now, the man, was teaching as class. There was one of my students right there, right in front of me with a little spittle hanging out the side of his mouth dead asleep, and his little friends were shaking so hard and ringing their necks trying to hold back the laughter. They couldn't be bothered to get back to the matter at hand, which was to practice "I can play baseball." because there friend was sleeping....wait for it!..... in class!!!

AAAAAAA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!

Can you believe it?!?! I don't know how I made it through the class either without a fit of laughter now and a again. Oh wait... actually I do know how I did it. Cause it wasn't funny.

I remember making a promise to myself when I was young (most likely inspired by some kid on tv doing the same thing) and that was to always remain young at heart and never turn into one of those old, boring adults who just don't get it.

Well, I've grown up now and I do get it. Kids are stupid. They're stupid and inexperienced and don't know any better. Being grown up rocks. Do you know what I ate today? Cheese. And chocolate. That was awesome. Then do you know what I did after I ate that bowl of melted cheese dip? I played games. I played games from a big stack of the newest, coolest games. Then I went to my friends house and drank beer and played poker until very very early in the morning.

See? I couldn't do that if I were young. If I were young my day would go like this.

Geez, my mom made me eat all my broccoli today or else I couldn't go to Tommy's house and play guns. I'm totally running away now. She can forget me doing my math homework too cause I left it at school. See if she likes that. Aww, remember when Jeff fell asleep in Dale's class? Man, I almost peed my pants. I mean, he was sooo sleeping right there. hahahahahahaa! I never want to grow up. Adults are so stupid.

PSP Binge.

I know that this is totally old by now but it's still funny and I just wanted to link to it here for some people who may not have seen it.

"It" is a video some hoodlums in Japan put together of themselves smashing up a PSP. The back story is that it was broken when one of them bought it, so why not have some fun and break it some more before getting a replacement.

This is their story.

Tobacco 1996-2004

October first of two thousand and four, I, Mr. fatwreck lost one of the greatest things I have ever known. I lost the stumbling smiles it gave me, the feeling of a warm intoxicating hug blanketed around me when we would chat after big meals and I lost one of the best drinking partners my eyes have ever known. Yes, my old friend tobacco is gone forever.

People said, "Hey....dude, you know that's not good for you, right?" And I would reply back, "If this is bad, I donwanna know what good feels like." Then they'd say, "Hey.....dude.....you, you know, you're gonna get cancer some day." and I'd say, "Hey....you know you're gonna get a fat lip if you don't shut your trap?"

And do you know why I could pull off such attitude? Because of the numbing effects of sweet darling nicotine and because smoking makes you look tough. Really, really tough.

And some people would say, "Hey....you know if you quit now, the air will smell sweeter, you food will taste better, and you will feel more fit than you ever have in a long time. You'll also gain the power of flight!"

"Flight?", I'd say, "That sounds marvelous! I'd surely give up one of my very most favorite acts to gain the power of the birds!" So they told me to learn how to fly, I'd have to give up smoking and follow them to the hospital to hollow out my bones, to mimic the skeletal structure of a bird.

"Strange." I thought, "I'm kind of partial to my bone marrow you know." Prepared for that type of response, they comforted me and reassured me that I wouldn't miss a thing. Then they reminded me just how awesome it would be to fly to the grocery store and commit cheeky highjinx. And with that, they had me on a string.

After the painful operation, the two who offered me flight filled days were gone with only a bill and weak immune system left to remind me there was ever a dream in the first place. I discovered later when passing up a bus ride in favor of flight, that they never had the power to grant me wings and they just wanted my marrow. And on top of that, everytime I have a cigarette I past out because my blood has changed so much from not having anything left in my bones. Just my luck.

It's true I smell better without the smoke in my clothes, but now I actually know how my body naturally smells which will take some getting used to. And food tastes exactly the same as it did before but without the glorious cigarette book end. And although I still can't fly, I'm the only 6 foot 1 horse jockey on the tour cause I'm as light as a feather. So that's kinda cool. But not as cool as one looks with a cigarette.

I'm back like a vertebrae

I'm sure the one person who sees this knows where I've been for the past week, but to update anyone else who accidently stumbles across this blog, you'll be happy to know that I'm still alive, and was actually progressing another notch in life by getting married.

Well, actually my one year anniversary is in about two weeks because we were "paper married" last February and only now did we actually get to do the ceremony. Funny how that worked. Another funny thing I thought about was all the hours and hours we poured into this thing and it really only lasted about 20 minutes. The wedding part I mean. We walked to the beach, did a rehearsal, got married and signed some fake wedding papers (contracts?), then we ate. I guess the fact that everything went so smoothly shows how much planning went into it.

Honeymoon was great. Saw the family, went shopping, fell asleep in the sun, snorkeled for the first time (swam in the ocean for the first time!). I got to read English newspapers everyday and eat Mexican food and American food which rocked. I only managed to finish two meals the entire trip though. The portions in America a huge and there's only so much food you can fit into a tall glass of water.

Then after an exhausting last few days, we packed up and flew back to Japan and bused home from the airport and I learned that I must have got food poisoning from the airplane food because I spent the next day shitting water everytime I tried to teach a class. (I lost count at 12) Yes, I had to go to work (no sick days for this teacher!) and felt like garbage and would have to leave my classes to relieve myself. Then I got home and slept for 14 hours and went back to work the next day. Feeling better now, thank you. Still don't have my appetite back and I don't think I'll be able to ever eat soba again (I really should have chosen the sandwich. What was I thinking!)

This last weekend I planned to prep a wedding picture to accompany this entry but I spent the entire time drinking and playing Resident Evil 4. Oops. I still plan to though so don't give up hope.

I just realized that I'll only be in Japan for less than two months now. That's really strange. I've been here so long it seems that it's what I call home, so getting back to my real home and life style will take some adjusting. I'll be pretty bummed to leave here even though I complain about everything a lot of the time. But, I think of that as tough love.

Cleared: Donkey Kong: Jungle Beat

On December 16th Nintendo's bongo drums got a new purpose and that purpose was to make Donkey Kong jump, slap and swing around 20 levels collecting bananas and building combos, trying for the coveted high score based on time and bananas collected.

Called one of the most addictive and biggest surprises at this years E3, I went out on a limb and picked up Jungle Beat and the bongos ($5 extra) and went to town. The gimmick going on in this game is that you don't use a controller to move your monkey but a set of plastic (sturdy) bongos. Hit left to move left and hit right to move right. Bongo faster to run and slap both to jump. Clapping is picked up by the microphone and makes you reach out to swing and the "shock wave" that results from your clap pulls in near by bananas and has other effects.

Like I said, you get some 20 levels each split up into 3 parts. The first being strictly platforming, the next being some race by bird, by water or another platformer and the last being a boss fight. Some boss fights are set up with a behind the back perspective boxing type dealy relying on timing and pattern memorization to win and others require you to jump around throwing bombs or just attacking with your gorilla fists.

Each section takes from 1 minute to 3 minutes to complete giving you only about 5 minutes of play per level. In my opinion, tacking another 20 (more challenging) levels on the current 20 would have made this game a must have, but since there's not that much content, a rental or two would be enough for this 5-6 hour game.


Since content is limited, the focus shifts to replayability which is here in spades. Scoring 300, 500, 800 and 1200 banana's will get you bronze, silver, gold and platinum metals. In order to score a platinum metal you have to learn to link your movements. Each new move will score you a mutiplier multiplying the bananas you pick up during the combo and the combo will end once you touch the ground. So the name of the game is constant movement and momentum. Once you got that down, you start looking on ways to pad your combo by doing extra movements in between vine swings and spiking enemies. That is where you'll find the real challenge; tucked away for those who want to exploit it.

The presentation is excellent and the character models boast some of the best fur mapping I've ever seen in a game. Environments are varied to your standard snow level, water level, jungle level, lava level, ect. And the real stand out feature is the fresh camera angles the designers imposed. A lot of close ups of enemies and Donkey Kongs expressions and movements that have frankly made him a much more appealing character than in the past. The boss character models are very creative, making you smirk with every encounter. One thing to note is you won't find the Donkey Kong family (Diddy, Trixy, Grandpa Kong, Candy Kong, and that surfing Kong guy; Funky Kong?) which I think was a good move. But you will find recurring music, remixed from previous titles.



The game had a lot of great ideas, tons of style, great combo system and of course the bongos! But where I felt it came up short was in the actual content. Seeing the "The End" screen after only about 6 hours of game play left me feeling I just beat Jungle Beat: Part A. Where's the rest of it?

pros:

The addition of the bongos as the main source of play was genius! (and only an extra $5!) It gave a fresh and satisfying feeling to the game.

Combo system can get very deep for those who look for it, bumping up the replayability considerably.

Character models, colour palette and environments look excellent.

Really dug the camera angles and presentation.


Cons:

With each of the 20 levels lasting only about 5 minutes, there's not much game here.

Seems to be a one trick pony with only 4 variations of game play. (floating/racing, riding, platforming, boss fighting) If the game was extended it would feel like it was repeating itself more than it all ready did.

The bongos were great but they didn't respond as nicely as I'd have liked when the game called for some fancy left, right, jump, throw work.

(Originally written December 22nd, 2004 but recently pulled out of the archives and finished up.)

Beastie Boys: Live at the Budokan

Here are some photos from the recent Beastie Boys concert in Tokyo. Or should I say the really great Beastie Boys concert in Tokyo. There was a questionable opening act (Le Tigre), which everyone thought was made up of three girls but the high kick section of the performance showed everyone that one of the girls had a set of man balls. I thought they sounded a little New York breathy like Yeah, Yeah, Yeah's and similar to but a little more funky rock/retro than Sleater Kinney. I later found out that one of the lead singers was the head of Bikini Kill all those years ago so that probably explains it. After those hosers took off and the Beastie Boys finally hit the stage it was an hour and a half of booty shakin'.



MikeD started the set with a 5 minute bit of scratching and record bending and behind the backing playing up the crowd then AdRock, MikeD, and MCA jumped up on stage and into eggman, and didn't stop until they were far into their material. Lots of older songs (Body Movin', Brass Monkey, ect) and stuff from their new album (chk chk chk it out, Open letter to New York). Then about 2/3's the way threw they went back stage leaving the crowd to catch their breath and watch some funny videos on the big screen.

Some of the pieces where shot outside before the show of attendees requesting songs, telling stories of why they're there, and some guys rapping to the camera. And some of the videos where of there own creation.



One of which was of (I think) the percussionist (fat man with an afro) sitting in front of the camera listening to Limp Bizket, taking a big bong hit and holding... holding... holding... then weaving and leaning and eventually smacking his head into the table making the music skip and chipping his tooth in the process.



After the videos were finished, the lights dimmed even more, and some ambiance music came from the speakers. Then a patio lantern rimmed stage was wheeled front and center carrying the band, in cheesy foam blue ruffled suits and their gear with it.



For the next 15 minutes or so they dove into their jazz material which was awesome and really quiet and low key. Then things picked up a little more and more and more and for the final blow they got into Sabotage and actually got the Japanese crowd (unrequested mind you) into a froth and crowd surfing and the whole deal. They had so much momentum leading up to that moment so that when it hit it was just crazy and had everybody going nuts and jumpin around.



You'll notice I don't have any pictures posted at that time cause it was about the last thing I wanted to do everybody was so caught up. I did have a little low-res video recording on my camera, but it's shaking so much that it's almost unwatchable. The audio is still ok though, but I can hear myself and I sound like an idiot (drunk?) so that one's just for me.



Then in typical Japanese fashion, once 9 o`clock hit, the house lights turned on and they exited stage left.



The show was really cool just for being at the Budokan in the first place. This is the big sumo arena for those that don't know and it is a huge yard surrounded by thick, tall walls and a large moat all protecting this big Japanese styled building. Inside is a ringed colluseum type set up, where half of it was blocked off because the band was in the middle floor/"pit" and it would suck to have to watch everything from the back. This place usually focuses on sumo matches in a small ring so all of the seating is situated as close as possible to the center and nothing is very far away. Even if you had a seat in the back you'd still think it was a pretty good seat. I never thought we'd be as close as we were and we weren't that close compared to other seats. I could see what color their sun glasses were from my seat which is pretty good.

Also being in Tokyo I imagined the place to be swarming, but there was a pleasant amount of people there. I'm not sure the total, but I'd say it was in the ball park of 3-4,000. Not that much at all anyway so it was more intimate than I expected too.

I have some other low-res clips from the show I can email out to some friends if they want. Just send me an email and I'll send a few off to you.

Gee, ya think?

Scientists discovered a new gene, that when mutated, causes other genes to become corrupt and form into cancer. Scientists call this new mutated gene, "POKEMON".

"The investigators confirmed Pokemon's cancer-causing role by inserting the oncogene into mice. Pokemon does its damage by repressing the function of other proteins, including a tumor suppressor called ARF. The mice developed aggressive, fatal forms of lymphoma. In further work, using a technique called tissue micro arrays to study tumor samples from people with many types of cancer, they confirmed that Pokemon is present in very high levels in certain types of B-cell and T-cell lymphomas. They also found that tumors with high levels of Pokemon protein were much more likely to be aggressive."

And to think that 10 years ago when Pokemania was in full swing and all parents across North America called the little buggers "The New Cancer!" were right all along. That'll take a while to sink in.

Another funny thing is that when scientists are naming a newly found anything, they usually break down what Latin or periodical or whatever 7 syllable name to give it something easy to call it by, but this time it looks like they go way out of their way to make "Erythroid Myeloid Ontogenic" or POK(what???) into Pokemon.

Nintendo had this to say, "Huh, well how about that. We're responsible for cancer."

Keep rollin` rollin` rollin` rollin` what? Keep rollin`...

Last year, the PS2 saw one of the most original games to hit the shelf in a long time. The game was Katamari Damacy and you were the prince of the universe You came to earth with a sticky ball to roll around picking up everything starting with the smallest things and gradually working your way up, to build a new planet for the king.

The gameplay was addictive but not as much as glorious music. Ranging from rock, to folk twang, to hip-hop, the songs covered everything but usually played around with a very simple cord structure that you'll be humming for the next few weeks.

You can find the soundtrack here but I don't know how long they'll be hosted so get on them fast. Might I recommend tracks 7, 9, 12 and 16. You should really hear them all but these are catchy if you're in a hurry.

P r o x i f y.com

Can't access certain web pages from school or work because of filters? Lower case no blanks.

Strange Days: I told you so

If anyone has been to the country side in Japan before then I'm positive they will remember the big uncovered gutters that run along the sides of the roads. If you don't know what I'm talking about just look at the picture and you should be up to speed with the rest of us.

For some reason someone on the highway committee thought it would be a good idea to put a gutter a foot and a half deep and a tire width wide along the sides of all the narrow country roads. For a reason or for sport? You decide.


Seems they caught themselves some game right here. There's going to be Pajero Jr. on the menu come this Easter!

With the resent snow fall I found a few more cars with their tires caught up but didn't have a chance to get a picture. Something tells me I'll have more opportunities in the future.

I could understand wanting to make some drainage areas along the roads with the amount of rain Japan gets on occasion, but at least cover them or make them narrower than your average tire or shallow enough to be able to get yourself out once you got yourself in. Or even some shoulders on the roads would be suffice for maneuvering in sticky situations.

The funny thing about this particular car was that the reverse lights were on but there was nobody in the vehicle when I drove past. Unless it were a chimpanzee at the wheel. Then it would change from funny to just plain amazing.

Nick-Nack-Patty-Hack

If you're like me you've probably got a huge monkey on your back begging you to push every button on every vending machine you see, right? Obviously. Now you can actually put your button pushing hobby to use and hack those sonsabitches into giving you free cokes, two for ones or just check in on how they are doing like any loving person would do.

To learn how to get your hack on click here. But your should remember that this is stealing, and coke will find you and make you give them their pop back. This is for informational purpose only and I do not assume responsibility for anything that comes of it.

Back to School (to prove to dad that I'm not a fool...)

(...got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight...I hope I don't get in a fight....OOO, Back to school, back to school, back..to....school)

Just had to get that out.

So yes, today is my first day back to work from a refreshing winter holiday break. Only had two classes today, an ok lunch and some free time to update the blog which should be more frequent now that I'm back to the routine.

A teacher also told me "I have no kids so why did you write on my new years card that my kids have gotten bigger?" Seems I got some of the new years cards mixed up when I was writing the little messages. oops! I wonder what the other teachers got and if they'll tell me what I wrote was weird or not...

Winter holidays were good. Got out to Tokyo to visit some friends and visit the "Mysteries of the Human Body" exhibit that put cadavers on display in all sorts of interesting poses highlighting key parts of the body. (LOTS of dudes. Ever seen a skinned penis? I have. The scientist guys must have figured the bigger the bris the better.) And at the end, your invited to handle a human brain and touch human muscle. Brains are heavy! Muscle is soft! Bleh!

It was really interesting but I had a heavy feeling about 5 minutes through the displays after the um-teenth time I reminded myself that they were real bodies everyone was looking at. And the kids! Oh the kids and their mothers! Not on display but there as patrons. So many little girls eye balling everything. Not freaking out mind you, they acted interested and everything, but maybe the mysteries of the magnet would have been more suitable for their age.

Kids are going up so fast these days I just can't keep up. I can just imagine some day having to pull my 5 year old out of the strip club and lecturing him on the way home about kid stuff and adult stuff. I guess it would have been a good experience for them, starting them thinking about mortality and stuff.

Here's the home page: Mysteries of the Human Body

At the top of the page; the 6th,8th and 10th "button" have some good pictures of some of the displays. On the "10th button page" click down the side links for some more interesting pictures of people at the show looking at the exhibits.

I also got out to the ski hill (Kusatsu) last weekend to cap off the winter break for some much needed fresh air. Snow was all right, but it was a bit of a lazy mountain good for coasting. "No shredding allowed" must have been the slogan there. I just gots ta shred but it'll have to wait for another day.

Strange Days: Baby Bong

So I mentioned that Fridays have turned into a bit of spectacle and a recent Friday was no different.

What happened will forever be burned into my mind. Yumiko mailed me at work asking if I'd like to join her for supper at her friends house. I agreed and mosyed over after work. While the girls were preparing supper I entertained the two boys in the house, one seven years old and the other a year and a half.

Satoshi, the littlest one is a real cutie, but he had a cold and was dripping out of everywhere and had to have his nose constantly wiped. Somebody has to explain to me someday, how kids can make that much snot so quickly, it's just not natural.

After supper was prepared we all sat down and chatted and ate and Satoshi was really fidgetty and obviously uncomfortable with his predicament. His mother seeing this then craned over to the boy and layed on him what looked like, from my perspective, a very deep kiss. But upon leaning over for a closer look I discovered that she had formed a seal around his nose and proceeded to take a long pull of snot, enough to make his eyes cross.

And *puht* spit her treasure into a tissue and toss it in the garbage.

"Oh, I'm sorry" she laughs "you're eating."

I don't care if I was gutting a cow, that was probably one of the grossest things I've ever seen.

Not one to dilute my reaction I burst out with an "AWWWW, GROSSS!! What did you do that for!!"

And yumiko and her looked at each other like, "Is he serious?" And they explained to me that it's not like she ate it or anything. She spit it out and it's her own baby so it's ok. Then told me that because I'm a guy and I've never seen it before that I would be surprised like that, but if I were to ask my mom or foreign women, I would find that it's natural for a mom to suck the mucus out of her child's nose using her mouth.

And ask I did. I found that the women teachers in my school (in Japan) thought nothing of it and that Canadian people thought it was disgusting. They explained that because of the spread of germs you should use a little booger sucking turkey baster device for the job. And not your mouth.

I'm not an expert on babies but I don't want whatever it is causing all the snot in the child in the first place so the baby baster thing sounds like the route I'd take. And not sucking it out with my mouth. I think there is some kind of motherly/parental love that I have yet to learn.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year to everyone.

Instead of going to Tokyo this year to do a count down I opted to stay in town and go to a friends house with Yumiko for some supper, drinks and board games. Played the Game of Life and some Jenga and got drunk on wine so it was all right.

Also today we had the most snow fall I've ever seen in this area of Japan. I think Tokyo got some snow too which is rare. We got about 15 cm spread throughout the day and I thought I'd be snowed in, unable to go out for the night. But slowly and surely I warmed up my little car's engine having to keep the throttle a little open to prevent a stall and sped off down the slick streets at a blazing 20km. Arrived ok and drank some beer and made a snowman with the 7 year old of the house.

Later we watched tv like all good Japanese do on New Years Eve (K1/Pride, a faster version of UFC) and stopped our rousing game of Mahjong (Doraemon Edition) for the count down into 2005. Funny, the two times I've ever played Mahjong have both been on New Years Eve. I've become boring in my old age.

Email me and tell me what you did for the night.
今年もよしくお願いします！